What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?

Martha- “No….”

Me- “That’s a lot of walking, especially with a cane. Could that be why your leg hurts?”

Martha- “I don’t know! I fell!”

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I’m already mad going to the call. Get there and she’s strumming her crotch like Eddie Van Halen on a guitar. “Let me summarize the events that led to us being here, as you described them to me, ma ‘am. You were diagnosed with a yeast infection. The doctor prescribed an ointment to use. Upon first application of said ointment, your symptoms were not immediately resolved. So you called your physician. The automated message when you called said that if you are having a medical emergency, hang up and dial 911, which you interpreted as advice specific to your situation. And now we’re here…”

……. I literally wanted to just start screaming at the top of my lungs!

Me- “No…. No I do not….. Do you feel comfortable walking down to the ambulance?”

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

Last story, because I know I type way too long. We get called to Martha, and sometimes you can just hear in the dispatcher’s voice, that they can’t believe the bullshit they’re saying. “Responding for the 60 year old female with an itchy vagina.”

Me- “Ma ‘am, what prompted you to call 911 now, at 3am in the morning, as opposed to anytime in the last 2 weeks….”

But what really kills motivation in EMS are “frequent fliers.” I’ve been a patient in an ambulance twice in my life. Frequent fliers are people who will ride in your ambulance an average of 2–5 times per month. And it’s always bullshit! You have to treat it like it’s serious. Because the one day you don’t, it’s going to be serious. But it’s always bullshit.

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Officer- “Yes! Thank god!”

Me- “Are you hurt?”

Me- “I can’t tell you what the hospital is going to do. We don’t work for the hospital.”

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Me- (Trying to contain my pure excitement) “That’s fine. Then we’re just going to have you sign a form that says we assessed you and you don’t want to go. Then we’ll be out of here.”

A question we’re always supposed to ask is, “How long have you been experiencing these symptoms?”

Martha- “I walked.”

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Martha- “Oh, to the pharmacy, and to the grocery store, and to the social services office, and to my doctor.”

Me- “If I saw this woman naked, I’d be going to the hospital for anxiety.”

The question I always ask is, “& What prompted you to call 911 tonight?” which is in part, medically relevant. Did a new symptom start? Did the pain get worse tonight? But also satisfies my personal need to know, “Why the fuck did you call 911 for a problem you’ve had for 2 weeks?”

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Martha- “Oh, I don’t think I should refuse care. I’ll go.”

Martha- “Well, I don’t know if I should, because this is embarrassing. People might see.”

Me- “Whether you walk down or we carry down, you’re going to be in front of people. Let’s go.” Which was my polite way of saying, “I ain’t carrying your fat ass and itchy vagina down to my ambulance.”

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But the response I always get is the offended look like, “Well, it hurts! So I think I should get it checked out. Don’t you?”

She’s walking around her apartment, no problem. Fully dressed. I ask, “What happened today ma ‘am?”

Me- “Did you trip & fall? Or did you get dizzy and fall?”

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Martha- “I don’t know. If they take me to the hospital, are they going to do anything? Or just discharge me.”

Me- “How far have you walked today?”

Goes on one of her 3x 911 calls in a day spree. First one was with the night shift. 2nd one, I’m on. It is for anxiety. Now, you can call 911 for anxiety. But, I expect you to be curled up into a ball screaming to warrant 911. She’s standing out front her apartment, calm as can be, like she’s hailing a cab with flashing lights. Says, “I have the fears…..” We’re at a point now, we can just call the hospital and say, “Coming in with Martha.” And they flip out like, “What is it now?” Only patient they’ll have us wheel to the waiting room. ER hates her more than we do. We only deal with her for the 10 minute transport.

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6 hours go by. We haven’t had another call since. Get dispatched back to her address. “Fell in the shower.” My buddy, who only worked a half shift that day, is laughing hysterically, because he knows how much I, in particular, hate her. Police Officer meets us at the entrance and gives a report. First question we ask her, “Is she wearing clothes?”

After a waste of time check for any visual injuries, “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

Well we had one woman, who redefined “frequent flier”. This woman would get in one of her moods, and she could call 911 up to three times in one day! The insurance company complained a lot, but legally (& this varies by state) we can’t tell her not to go. We’re going to call her Martha, because I can’t use her real name. The one day, we pick her up at a church for “leg pain”. Mind you, the woman walks with a cane. I confirm her address because I’m puzzled. I said, “You’re about 5 miles away from home. How did you get here?”

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Me- “…… THEN WHY ARE WE HERE?!!!!”

12 years in EMS, I could probably inspire a TV show with the 911 calls I’ve been on. & If I’m being totally honest, there’s probably more bullshit than the really high dramatic calls like you see on TV.

Patient- “Oh, two weeks.”

Martha- “Then I don’t think I should go.”

My record is 6 years. “How long have you been experiencing these symptoms?” “6 years” “& what do you think the hospital is going to do for you tonight?”

Martha- “Yeah, do you want to see my vagina?”

I think the dumbest reason was when somebody called 911 because “they were unable to fall asleep.” I told that story to a new Mom, and she suggested we should have just driven him around the block a couple of times and dropped him back on the bench. We get people call because they need their meds refilled. Homeless people call because it’s cold out and they want to spend the night in the hospital.

Martha- “I don’t know. I fell.”